Beginnings Found In Ashes
by geea2
Summary: Nine years after Nathan gave Haley her cracker jack bracelet his world crumbles. Now at age 25 he is a widower, a single father of two children and slowly being poisoned by his own bitterness. Can Brooke Davis help her old friend? BRATHAN
1. The First Assault

There's something to be said for surviving the loss of someone you gave a piece of your heart to; for having the ability to take another breath despite the agonizing pain that spreads throughout your body every single time you see their face in your mind.

Brooke Davis hadn't had a chance to ever really say good bye. The last time she had talked to Haley it had been on the telephone. Jamie had been yelling in the background and baby Mariah had been yelling and squealing with him. Haley had laughed with her and told her, "these Godchildren of yours are louder then a marching band. You need to hurry back to Tree Hill and baby- sit them so I can have a few hours of peace!"

"Sorry, tutor-mom, I'm booked solid until the runway show and then I'll be back," she had promised.

A crash was heard in the background and Brooke winced on her best friend's behalf. Haley sighed, "I have to go, my children are animals."

"Okay, Haley, I love you," she told her.

"Love you too, bye," and there was a click. Two nights later after Brooke's runway show she'd come home to an answering machine message from Karen Roe telling her that Haley had gotten hit by a drunk driver as she was taking her evening jog. She had died instantaneously.

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How anyone ever managed to survive the loss of their spouse was astonishing. To have to go home and hold your baby and tell your son that Mommy was never coming home. How someone can manage to look at their kids and not cry every time they did something that their Mommy had taught them.

Nathan Scott hadn't expected anything drastic to happen that day. He had gotten up early for work at the high school. Ever since Whitey had retired he and Lucas had been co-coaches, and Nathan also took pride in coaching his son's Little League team. When he had gotten home he and Haley had embarked on their bimonthly arguments, and she had gone for a run. Usually one of them went for a run while the other stayed with the kids and it was his turn. Then an hour later the cops had come to the door. He would never forget their last words. They would haunt him forever.

"_Damn it, Nathan," Haley slammed a pan on the counter, "you need to be here more for me. I am raising your children!"  
"I'm sorry if I'm busy working to help pay for our mortgage, and our bills, having a coaching job requires me to be away from home sometimes. You knew that when I got the job and you supported me," his voice was a hushed whisper, their kids were in the living room._

"_Well I changed my mind, when we got pregnant with Mariah you said you would be around more," Haley replied._

_He took a deep breath, "why is this always my fault? You could quit tutoring after school."_

"_Those kids need me," she was quick to point out._

"_The kids I work with need me!"_

"_It's just a game, Nathan! What I do is important for the rest of their lives," Haley argued._

_They both stopped there. Nathan had been flabbergasted, did she really think that the love for the game he had was so easy to replace and discard?_

"_Look, I'm going to go for a run, I'll be back in an hour," she told him softly. When he didn't reply she moved closer, "okay?"_

"_Just go," he told her. And she did, but she never came back._

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The day was cold. It was January in North Carolina, which meant some snow and brisk winds. Yet they all stood in the cemetery and listened as the priest spoke about the woman Haley James-Scott had been.

Everyone was waiting. Nathan Scott had been a bad-ass bastard before Haley had reformed him back in high school. Soon he would have to release his anguish and when he did everyone feared for what he would do to himself. Everyone worried about the children but no one knew how to approach Nathan.

"Ashes to ashes," the priest began.

Nathan was numb, his body managing to function but he didn't know how. He had managed to dress his kids and talk to them but now he thought he might crumble. He wanted to be strong for his kids but he would be the first to admit that Haley had been his quiet source of strength for the entire nine years they had been together.

"Here," he was surprised when Mariah's weight was lifted from him. He looked up and found Brooke standing before him.

"Put the dirt on it Nathan, say goodbye," her voice was so raspy he could barely hear it. Her face was devoid of makeup and tears were continuously streaking down her face. He saw in her eyes, his anguish mirrored. He let her take Mariah and then Jamie's hand. Everyone sighed in relief; he had given some of his burden to someone. God help Brooke because now she would have to shoulder it with him.

Nathan picked up a handful of dirt and gently, almost tenderly, placed it on the black coffin, "I'll always love you, Hales. Rest well until I join you."


	2. What It Feels Like To Be The Loser

The house was warm. Nathan didn't remember turning the heat on at all but as he gently pulled Mariah's arm out of her coat he realized that it was toasty. Haley always remembered to turn the heat up because Mariah was still so little.

"Baby girl," Nathan held his daughter to him and instinctively the little girl knew to wrap her arms around his neck and hold him back.

"No cry Daddy," she implored him and gave him a sloppy kiss on his cheek.

"I'm hungry," Jamie's voice cut through the ever growing silence. Nathan turned and watched as Brooke pulled her coat off and ruffled Jamie's hair affectionately.

"Why don't you come into the kitchen and I'll rustle up some grub," she offered.

Jamie looked to Nathan. He had never really been a kid who always looked to his parents for direction but Nathan understood his confusion and general disbelief.

"Go ahead, son, I'll be in there after I get your sister changed into her pajamas," Nathan told him.

Brooke nodded and guided her godson into the kitchen. As she moved about the kitchen she felt the hard vise around her heart squeeze angrily. What the hell was she doing standing there, cooking in Haley's house as if everything was okay? She was an imposter, there was no way that she could possibly help Nathan or these kids, she couldn't even help herself!

"Take a deep breath," Jamie's whispered words made her turn to look at him. The little boy's eyes filled, "my Mom used to say that when you were hurting you should take a deep breath. You can't solve anything if you're not breathing."

"Jamie, I'm sorry," Brooke rushed to him just as his first tears fell and held him tight.

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"As per Mrs. Haley James Scott's final will and testament all of her physical property will go to her husband Nathan Scott with the exclusion of her laptop which is to go to James Lucas Scott, her guitar which is to go to Mariah Brooke Scott, her book collection in its entirety to Lucas Eugene Scott, and her pictures which are to go to Brooke Penelope Davis."

Nobody moved until Nathan rose unsteadily and rushed from the room. Everyone began to move but Brooke was gathering her things as well as Nathan's. He looked ready to kill.

"Miss Davis, Mrs. Scott also wanted you to have this," Brooke barely glanced at the DVD she'd been given, "there is a note with it. Read it with Mr. Scott."

She was all ready walking away, searching for the path that would lead her to Hurricane Nathan.

"They're both down," Brooke murmured as she walked down the last step of Nathan's house.

Nathan sat completely rigid in on the couch. His body was trembling but he wasn't moving. Brooke tentatively laid her hand on his shoulder and immediately his hand clamped on hers.

"You should get my kids out of here," Nathan's voice was deeper then usual. It terrified Brooke.

Brooke tried to ignore the tight grip on her hand. She was scared. She had never seen anybody like this. Not that she blamed him, but she was still very afraid that he'd get carried away and squeeze until her bones were dust.

"I won't take your kids away from you Nathan. They need you, they will never survive without you. You're the only parent they've got now."

"I can't be a good Dad to them right now. I can't even take care of myself right now, Brooke," slowly he let go of her hand.

"They need you. Yes, you will have to deal with your pain soon but their pain is number one. I know you agree with me because I know how much you love them."

"I can feel myself starting to turn," he finally looked at her, "does that make sense? I can literally feel myself getting more and more numb. Soon I won't even look like the Nathan Scott either of them know."

Brooke took hold of his forearms, "listen to me, Nathan Scott! You will get through this. You have a beautiful son and daughter. You can't let them down. If you can't get through this and learn to live with it for you then do it for them. Do it for Haley's children, the children that she loved."

"I'm just so fucking tired of hurting," his voice broke halfway through his sentence.

She pulled him to her and gently rubbed her back as he cried. She knew without doubt that things would be getting much worse before they got better.

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Two weeks later, Brooke had just finished bringing Jamie to school and Mariah to daycare. As she walked into the house she had stayed in every time she had been back to Tree Hill she took a deep breath. She swore that it still smelled like Haley's perfume. She bent down to retrieve the mail, trying to delay. Soon she would have to wake Nathan and his wrath. She always had to wait until the kids were gone because sometimes he got vicious.

As she went through the mail she had to stop and take a deep breath. Regularly throughout the day she would have to stop and collect herself. She couldn't breakdown, not with the kids in need of stability and Nathan so far gone. Brooke tore open the first letter and realized it was the bill for the electricity was overdue. She opened the next, it was for the mortgage, that was overdue also. She sighed and took out her checkbook. Haley would have wanted her children and Nathan to be okay. She was rich enough anyway. She had come into her trust fund at twenty-one and had made fashions worn by top celebrities, she had become a millionaire in her own right.

An hour later she felt that she was brave enough to open the door to Haley and Nathan's bedroom. The curtains were drawn and the lights were off. Nathan was under the covers asleep. That was all he did, sleep or stare into space.

"Nathan," Brooke gently shook his shoulder. When he didn't move she continued until he finally wretched the covers down.

He growled, "what?"

"You have to get up and take a shower," she replied.

"Why?"

"Because I'm going to pick up Jamie and Mariah in a few hours and they want to see you Nathan."

He groaned, "if you're so fucking amazing then why do they need to see me?"

"What," she was surprised, "Nathan, you're their father. They just lost their mother. Mariah's scared and Jamie is hurt. You have to get up for them."

He rose in one solid movement and moved toward her with aggressive steps. She backed up, practically swallowing the scream that came naturally to her lips. He grabbed her wrist to keep her from moving, "I lost my wife."

Brooke didn't think that he realized that his grip was getting tighter and tighter, "and I lost my best friend."

"It's not the same," he said through clenched teeth.

"They're your kids. You and Haley's kids, they're the only part of her you have left," she ended her sentence with a small scream because his grip was cutting off circulation.

He immediately let her go and looked at her wrist. It was red and a little swollen. He looked at his hands in disbelief before backing away. He looked up in confusion, tears starting to stream down his face, "my Haley!"

"I know," Brooke agreed.

Nathan sank to the floor and buried his face into his hands. His gut wrenching sobs echoed through the house. Brooke wrapped her arms around his as far as they would go and rocked him.


	3. Shadows That Lurk On The Outside

"How are your wrists holding up," the question, quietly asked, startled Brooke from where she was sitting by the window that looked out into the backyard.

She turned and took Nathan in. He had eventually showered and had eaten dinner with his kids. Brooke had felt his pain, it was that palpable. He radiated grief and everyone at that dinner table had felt it. Jamie had been even more quiet than usual and Mariah had kept her baby chuckles to a minimum.

"Better then my heart," she finally admitted.

Nathan nodded and joined her on the couch, "my head is telling me to pack up and get the hell out of here."

"The house?"

"This house, _her_ house," he shrugged, "and this town! Everything is a reminder, Brooke. Nothing in this god forsaken world is average or everyday. Everything brings back some memory of her. What did I do to deserve this? What did she ever do to deserve such a young death? She was beauty in its truest form."

Brooke took his hand into hers, glad he was talking about it. As he began to cry again she added her tears to the mix and clutched his hand in hers. If nothing else they would have each other to depend on. She prayed that it was enough to heal their wounds.

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One day you just decide to go on. That you have to live life, that you have responsibilities not the least of which end up being your children. Three months after Haley's death Nathan was functioning. He still missed Haley every single second of everyday. But he could be with his children and help take care of them. He honestly didn't know what he would have done without Brooke those first few months.

Nathan walked into the house after picking up Jamie from karate practice. Together he and Jamie had gotten through some of the tougher times. They talked every night about how they felt and Nathan helped him pray so he could talk to Haley.

"Brooke," Nathan called into the house.

"In the kitchen," Brooke called back.

He walked into the kitchen as Jamie ran up stairs to change into his normal clothes. Brooke was busy stirring something in a pot as Mariah sat on the floor banging on a pot. She smiled up at him, "Daddy!"

Nathan lifted his three-year-old daughter and nuzzled her cheek. Where Jamie looked exactly like him, the only trait Mariah had from him was her dark hair, everything was purely Haley. God, just thinking her name still hurt.

"Daddy, kiss-kiss," Mariah demanded.

Nathan kissed her puckered lips and sighed, he had to thank God every day that at least he had his kids. He finally looked at Brooke again but she was staring into space, her eyes wide and wet. He shook his head and gently placed Mariah on the floor.

"It's going to be okay one day," he told her as he pulled her into his arms. She tried to nod but the tears fell anyway. Brooke buried her face into Nathan's chest and cried all over his jersey.

"I want one day to be today," she whimpered.

"Me too," he agreed and gently rubbed her back. One day it would be okay, it had to be. He wouldn't survive if this pain stayed with him forever. He had to look forward to the one day he could breathe again.

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"Hey, little brother," Lucas' voice drew Nathan from his trance. He had been sitting at his desk in the coach's office for at least a half hour. Sometimes the only rest his tired mind ever got was at the school where at least the sounds of the game could distract him. That was what puzzled him when he actually thought of something beside Haley. The very sound of a group of guys playing had a way of distracting him yet he couldn't manage to play the game. To actually pick up a ball and just play.

"Nathan," Lucas sat in front of his desk and gently thumped it, "man, you have got to stop coming here."

"Why? We coach together Lucas," he reminded his brother.

"Yeah, but you're hurting and the kids are hurting; you don't need to be here right now," Lucas' eyes swam with tears and his face conveyed his own grief. Haley had touched more people then she ever knew.

"You're hurting too. Everything and everybody hurts right now, but you're here and so am I and in ten minutes we'll have a team expecting us to put it aside for the game. I just need a few hours of basketball, Luke. I just something to cling to for a few lousy hours, please!"

"I miss her everyday Nathan, I feel like I see her in everything. Basketball isn't an escape for me, it's yet another thing that reminds me of her," Luke told him.

Nathan wondered how they could be so different. He wondered if maybe Haley had gotten the crazy idea that basketball was just something you could throw away from Lucas. It angered him to think that his brother's lack of true love for the game could have somehow led to the fight that had resulted in Haley's death. But then he took a calm breath. Haley would have hated to hear his thoughts, to think that the relationship he and Lucas had built could be blasted away because a stray thought.

"I need this Luke, if you can't be here I understand," Nathan rose and left the room before his thoughts could crush him.

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"Hey, B. Davis," the tone was soft but with a distinct flare. Brooke looked up from her desk and managed a watery smile.

"P. Sawyer, what brings you to this neighborhood," she rose as she said it and was clutching Peyton before she had a chance to reply.

Peyton began to sooth her hair and led her to the couch where they sat for a long time, both of them shedding tears. She hadn't come home for the funeral because she couldn't face another gravestone. She'd seen far too many in her twenty-five years and would just as soon never see one again. She had said goodbye to Haley in her own way; in her room with a good album and a solid hour of sobbing complete with hiccups and swollen eyes.

"Nathan is so lost right now. He tries, he really does but the kids know he's hurting. I didn't think Mariah would forget her so fast. The other day Mariah didn't ask for Haley at all. Since the funeral every morning Mariah would ask for Haley but yesterday she woke up and ate her breakfast and smiled and laughed, but never asked for Haley. She clings to Nathan when he's here but she doesn't ask anymore," Brooke sobbed even harder.

Peyton's lip wobbled. Mariah had been Haley's dream baby girl, she had loved her so much. She had said that she wanted a real girly girl to counteract the boy she had.

"And Jamie cries all the time," Brooke continued.

"This is just part of all of it," Peyton gently squeezed Brooke's shoulder, "Jamie and Nate need to grieve. As for Mariah you should start showing her Haley's picture and reminding her."

Brooke wiped her nose and unceremoniously squeezed Peyton into a hug, "that's the best idea I've ever heard."

"What are you doing to help yourself," Peyton asked a bit later as they sat at the kitchen table sipping tea.

Brooke shrugged, "what can I do? I made a pact the day I became a Godmother to help raise these two kids and Nathan's been my friend for as long as I can remember. They're the most important people in this scenario."

Peyton patted her friend's hand, "you matter, Brooke. Don't think for one second that focusing on their pain will ease yours. You have to heal together, you're their family now. You have to be strong but not at the cost of losing yourself or not taking care of yourself."

She nodded in agreement, but it was so much easier said then done.

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"How was school," Brooke asked Jamie that night. He had been abnormally quiet since she had picked him up from school. Something was amiss and she wanted to help him. She wouldn't know what to do if he shut her out.

When Jamie didn't answer Nathan grunted, "answer politely when someone asks you a question."

Jamie stopped pushing his peas around his plate long enough to scowl at Brooke, "Tommy Brown said that you're a bad friend because only bad friends jump into bed with their best friend's husband a few months after they die."

Brooke gasped in complete shock, she looked at Nathan who's expression was just as surprised. Mariah chose that moment to throw a handful of peas at Brooke and laughed uproariously.

"Apologize," Nathan finally uttered to his son.

"No," Jamie refused, "if she wasn't a good friend to mom then she just…stinks!"  
Nathan banged his fist on the table shocking Mariah into silence and stopping Brooke from trying to get the pea out of her hair. Jamie sent his father a looked that was identical to the scowl Nathan Scott sported when he was feeling angry or stubborn, "I said apologize. Brooke has done nothing but help you, me and your sister. Without her we would be in sorry shape. She was also your mother's best friend and they loved each other very much; so much that your sister was named after her. But even beyond that, she is an adult and you will treat her with respect. Now apologize."

Jamie's blue eyes filled with tears, Nathan had never raised his voice but it had carried a similar effect, "I'm sorry Brooke."

"Its okay, Jamie. I know that you're hurt, but I only want to help. I am only here to help you and Mariah and your Dad, not to take over. So if anyone says anything like that again just tell them I'm here to help."

He nodded and two perfect tears fell from his eyes, "I love you."

"I love you too buddy, you and Mariah are the best godchildren I could have ever wished for," Brooke wished with all of her heart that she could bring Haley back. For Jamie and his inability to rationalize his world without her. For Mariah because she was slowly forgetting her. And for Nathan because she was afraid she'd never look into his eyes again without seeing shadows.


	4. When The Water Gets Murky

Two months later Brooke was coming out of the shower when she realized that she had forgotten her bathrobe. She shrugged, thinking she'd get to the guest room in about five seconds so pulled on a towel and headed out. Halfway there she heard sniffles. She looked into Jamie's room and saw that he was crying into his pillow. And not angry or stubborn tears but sobbing his heart out. She had made those sounds before, she still made them at least once a week. Her heart broke even more.

"Hey, buddy, what's wrong," Brooke asked as she went into his room.

He turned and opened his arms to her. Brooke immediately wrapped her arms around him and rocked him as he cried, "shh…I'm here, and Daddy's here. I'm so sorry Mommy isn't. But she left Daddy and I here for you."

As she talked to him she rocked more and after a while he was asleep. She continued to rock him. For the life of her she didn't know what to do to help him. She didn't realize just being there was helping him more then anything else she could've done.

"Brooke," Nathan's voice made her look toward the door.

"I was walking by and I heard him crying. It's not fair to him, he's only a little boy," she told him.

Nathan's eyes filled, "I know. Come on, let him get some sleep. I have a monitor in this room too in case he has a nightmare."

Brooke rose and together they shut his door. Nathan looked down at her in the small towel, for the first time since his wife had died he felt the stab of sexual awareness. He was wearing loose basketball shorts, so Brooke noticed. Her hazel eyes met his in surprise.

"It's nothing," he pulled her into his arms and tried to comfort her. But he was crying now too. He felt like a complete asshole. His wife hadn't been dead for six months and he was standing here getting an erection over a woman who was crying from the loss of her best friend.

He couldn't help himself when he kissed her forehead, he moved to her cheek, the side of her mouth and hesitated looking into her deep hazel eyes still glazed with tears.

"Nate," she was begging him. Neither of them knew for what.

"I just need to feel something, anything. I'm numb," he admitted.

She nodded more to herself then to him and took his hand. She walked him into her room and closed the door before allowing her towel to fall from her body. Nathan looked her over once before stripping his shirt off. Brooke sobbed and helped him wrench down his shorts. He buried his hand into her hair and pulled her head close. Together their tongues shot out and mated uncontrollably.

When she groaned he moved them to the bed and laid her down on her back. She arched to meet his hand as he cupped her moist center and thrust his fingers deep within her. Her hands ran down his arms, scratching him, making him feel more alive then he had in months. He groaned and their tongues met once again making his blood boil.

Without a word he moved between her legs and removed his fingers. He looked into her eyes as he grasped his cock and plunged it deep within her. He groaned, somehow he hadn't expected her to be so tight. She arched up, met every thrust, moaning and nipping at him. This wasn't love making this was fucking, two people fucking to make the pain stop for a few God given minutes. Together they rose to their joint climax, each one shaking as the force of their coupling rocked through their bodies.

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Everyday since that day they had fucked, except for the week she had been on her period which had made them both remember to use protection. Every time they had a chance, day or night, they fucked. In the car, in the kitchen, after the kids were asleep, in the middle of the night, anytime it was possible. They never slept together. Afterward he would return to the room he had shared with Haley and stare into space as the guilt crept up. He wondered if she felt as guilty as he did. He was fucking his dead wife's best friend. Half the time he thought he must be a monster.

Nathan didn't realize it but Brooke felt even worse. The first time they had slept together had been under extreme circumstance. Both of them had been hurting and her pain was only exacerbated when she had seen how guilty he had felt when he had responded to her physically. Brooke recognized that every night, every time, since that night had been wrong. She was sleeping with her best friend's husband. She had stopped looking into her eyes when she looked in a mirror. She was too afraid of what she would see.

On one odd Saturday in the middle of June Nathan came in from playing basketball with Jamie on their court in the backyard when he took notice of the mail for the first time in months. He gulped, he hadn't been paying bills. How the hell did he still have a house?

He tore open the bill for the electricity and stood in shock, completely paid off with six months advance all ready on it. He ripped open the mortgage bill, paid for until December. Every bill including hospital bills either paid in full or up until December. How was this possible? He didn't know anyone with that kind of money. Nathan stopped, except for Brooke.

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Brooke walked in late with Mariah in her arms. She had spent the day working in her pseudo office while Deb had spent some girl time with Mariah. The poor baby was tired, her head was rest on Brooke's shoulder as Brooke gently closed the door behind them. She wondered what kind of mood Nathan would be in. Ever since they had begun their "relationship" he was either in a volatile mood or crying.

"Where the fuck were you," Nathan's voice was proceeded by Nathan stepping out from the top of the stairs.

Brooke practically fell backward down the stairs but Nathan quickly righted her. Her first thought was that his greeting sure indicated what kind of mood he was in. Mariah shook her head, "don't swear, Daddy!"  
Nathan's blue gaze softened, he held out his arms to Mariah and when he had her tucked under his chin he looked coldly at Brooke, "meet me downstairs to talk."

She nodded, too tired to wonder what she had done to piss him off this time. Honestly, the man had his days where he would go into crying fits and she was always there for him. Would he ever truly be there for her? 

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Brooke took another sip of her Avian water as Nathan came into the kitchen. He threw a pile of envelopes in front of her. She looked down at the bills and swallowed, knowing that he was pissed. Nathan Scott was a very proud man, one who didn't take kindly to handouts and he would never realize that this wasn't a handout.

"Nathan-"

Before she could finish he slammed his hands down on the counter, "you have a lot of nerve! Coming into mine and Haley's house and trying to become her."

If he had called her giraffe she wouldn't have been more surprised, "what?"

"You think just because you paid my bills and you baby-sit my kids that I'll be more receptive to you spreading your thighs and trying to take over Haley's spot? Well I have news for you, I wouldn't fuck you again with a ten foot pole!"

Brooke's mouth dropped open in shock before she rose, "I don't know what the hell you're talking about Nathan. I thought I was doing you a favor by helping out with bills until you got back on your feet."

"No," his pointing finger got mighty close to her face, "you thought that if you came in here and paid a few bills and got my kids to like you then I'd marry you or some sick shit like that."

Once again her mouth dropped open in shock. Was this the same man that had walked into her room at three in the morning and had gently made love to her until she couldn't take anymore? Suddenly she was furious. She had been there for him through everything, done everything she could think of to make his life better, this was how he repaid her?

"First thing," she actually felt her old self coming back, "get your finger out of my face unless you want to lose it!"

"Brooke-" but he put his finger down.

"No, you don't interrupt me right now! I have done nothing but be there for you every moment since the day of Haley's funeral. I have fed you, helped clean you up, watched your children and God help me I've had sex with you, just because I thought it would help you. If I overstepped my bounds I apologize but you will never come at me with that kind of self-righteous bull shit ever again. You wouldn't fuck me again with a ten-foot pole," she choked on her anger and then suddenly she was done. She took a deep breath, tears filling her eyes, "well that's good then. Because I wouldn't let you touch me again if you came on your hands in knees in apology."  
Before Nathan could say a word she was running out the door, leaving him to sit in the kitchen reliving the fact that the last conversation he had ever had with Haley had been in this room and she had left running.


	5. The Stranger You See In The Mirror

Nathan hadn't expected to see her the next morning but sent a silent prayer to God that she was safe. He had fallen asleep in his own tears last night and felt drained. She was walking back to the sink after putting a bowl of oatmeal in front of Jamie. Mariah was in her high chair sloppily eating hers. He wanted to cry again, this time in thankfulness. He didn't know if he'd be able to make it if she decided to leave him. He frowned at the words in his head. One day Brooke would have to leave, to continue her life, and he'd have to let her go.

"Daddy," Mariah squealed in happiness.

Nathan bent to kiss her forehead and got cheek smeared with oatmeal for his efforts. He laughed at himself along with Jamie and Mariah before turning to Brooke. She was standing watching this exchange as she wiped her hands. He decided not to dwell on his thoughts any longer.

"Morning," his voice sounded hoarse to his own ears.

She nodded at him and sighed. He thought that it had been too long since he had seen her famous dimples.

"Good morning," she leaned against the counter.

"Look," he moved toward her and put a hand on her waist. When she flinched he just gripped her a bit tighter, "I know your upset about what I said last night. I'm sorry."

"I know," she agreed.

He moved his other hand to her cheek, "I'm an ass."

"Don't swear, Daddy," Mariah's voice rang out.

"It won't happen again. I can't lose you too," he told her.

"I'm leaving," her words were so soft that he barely heard her.

"What," he was shocked.

Brooke took a deep breath, working up the courage to meet his intense blue eyes, "I have to go back to New York for a few days. I think it'll be a good idea if I find a place of my own in Tree Hill."

Before Nathan could say a word Jamie was pushing in between them, "I don't want you to go, Brooke."

"Oh," she held him to her, cradling his head to her tummy, "I'll be back in a few days and then we'll make time so I can get to see you and Mariah. And if you ever need me you know you can call me on my cell phone."

"Don't go," Jamie wailed this last bit and hugged her tighter.

"No go," Mariah added her two cents from her high chair.

She looked up to Nathan, she using her eyes to plead with him for some help, "I have contracts and other obligations."

"When will you get back," Nathan asked.

"Wednesday or Thursday, at the earliest, I was planning on spending the weekend with Rachel," she explained.

Nathan lifted a fussy Mariah into his arms and quite unexpectedly kissed Brooke's plump mouth. When he lifted his head he smiled, "come back to us, Brooke. We all need you."

Brooke spent a few days just drenched in work and felt happy about it. But at the same time she was missing her godchildren more than ever. They had all become so much closer over the last six months and she felt as if she was hurting them irrevocably because she wasn't with them when they needed her.

"Hey, hoe, stop pouting you can get back to your delicious hunk of man in a few days," Rachel's voice had Brooke looking up. She was staying in Rachel's apartment while she was in the city and had created a makeshift office in her room.

"He's not my man," Brooke told her harshly.

Rachel rolled her blue eyes, "sure, doll, if that's what helps you sleep at night."

"Rachel," she rose, "Nathan is not my man. He's Haley's man, he can never be mine."

"Oh my God," Rachel rushed forward and grasped her best friend's shoulders, "you're in love with him."

Brooke's eyes widened in surprise, was she that transparent, "how awful am I? How could I betray Haley like this? I'm as bad as Peyton ever was."

"Honey, Haley's gone and you've been with him every second of every day since. She would have been happy to know that you were taking care of everything."

"I'm in love with her husband," Brooke shouted.

"Haley's dead, Brooke," Rachel pulled her closer and hugged her, "and now you're in love with Nathan. Haley would hate the thought of him turning back to the man he was because he didn't have someone to take care of him."

"But would she have wanted me to be that person," Brooke's voice was so raspy that she was choking on her words.

Rachel smiled, "she knew something you only let a few people know, B."

She sniffed and looked into her friend's eyes, "what?"

"That you're so loyal you'll hurt yourself before you hurt someone you love. That you'll love those kids like they were yours, that you'll love them because they're hers. That only one person on this planet could love him and them as much as she had, she knew it was you."

"You're abnormally good at this," she sniffed again and finally wiped her eyes dry.

Rachel shrugged, "get dressed bitch, we're going out!"

Nathan brought the kids to Karen's Café on Thursday night, mostly because Jamie and Lily had a play date and Mariah had been talking about seeing her Uncle Luke. He felt like he hadn't seen any of the gang in so long. It felt odd seeing them without Haley and even weirder that Brooke wasn't with them.

"Nathan," Karen cupped Nathan's cheek and smiled, "it'll get easier. You'll never forget her, but life will go on."

He knew that Karen was a wise woman. She had almost lost Keith to his alcoholism but somehow she had gotten him back and now she had a family. Nate wanted that for his kids and for himself.

"Nate, man," Luke came up to him and hugged him, "we missed you around here."

"I know," Nathan smiled when Jamie launched himself into his uncle's arms.

"Uncle Luke!"

"Uncle Luke," Mariah repeated and smiled cheekily from Nathan's arms.

Luke talked to his nephew and held his niece before looking at Nathan again, "where's Brooke?"

"She's in New York finishing up some work on her new designs. She'll be back on Saturday," Nathan told him.

"I miss her," Jamie admitted.

"Me too," Mariah agreed.

"Me three," Nathan added for good measure.

Lucas looked at him rather intensely for a few moments. After a second he looked down to Jamie, "Lily's in the back, Aunt Karen will bring you two back."

Karen smiled at Nathan again and took Mariah and led them all to the back of the café. Lucas sat with Nathan, "you're in love with her?"

"Lucas," Nathan's tone said he didn't want to talk about it. Love? He couldn't possibly love Brooke, he loved Haley. He kept repeating that and felt the truth of it, he loved Haley. But was it possible to love Brooke at the same time? He shook his head, Haley was the only one ever made for him. He would love her, and only her, forever.

"Haley died six months ago," Lucas hissed.

"Do you know that the first few weeks I didn't even see my kids. Brooke took care of them and me, I owe her more then I could ever give back. Yeah, I love her because she saved me. Haley saved me back then and Brooke saved me from my pain. I'll always love Haley, I see her everyday in those kids."

Luke calmed a bit. He hadn't been with Brooke in a long time but he hadn't stopped loving her. In all honesty he could admit that he had only been with Peyton that last time because Brooke had pushed them together. He had always hoped that she would come around and forgive him. Brooke Davis had a spark in her that pulled him to her. He had always believed that somehow they'd end up together, he didn't want Nathan to think that he'd given up on her.

"Brooke and I have a lot of history," Luke told his brother.

Nathan nodded and tried to clamp down on the sudden jealousy he felt. Luke and Brooke may have had history but he had been the one beside her, inside of her, every night. He was the one who finally understood Haley, maybe better then when she was alive. She wouldn't have entrusted her family to anyone except the one woman she trusted above all others, her best friend, Brooke. No, he would never forget Haley, but he thanked God for Haley having the sense to keep Brooke close to their family in case they ever had to heal from something as horrific as her death.

"Yeah, history, as in over, as in she's moved on."

"And you've moved on after a few months," Luke shot back.

Nate rose, "no, I'll never completely be over Haley, but I'm not going to turn my back on Brooke. She needs this family we've made as much as I do. One thing we share above all things is our grief. Even if all we ever amount to is friends, it's still more then the pseudo relationship you two have."

He walked toward the back, toward his kids without looking back.


	6. Author's Note

Hello, all! Let me give my thanks to everyone who reviews because you guys give me inspiration. Your suggestions and critiques help me build better stories. Anyway, getting to the point. This coming chapter will seem abrupt but it's all for a purpose. Don't give up on the story, there's still a lot to tell.

Thanks Again,

Liz


	7. Finding A Happy Medium In Hell

Brooke arrived in Tree Hill around four in the afternoon on Friday. She didn't really know where to go. Nathan had called her and told her that they needed to talk when she got home and she had agreed. They had to figure out what they were doing. The ache in her chest for her best friend wasn't gone but she had found a small measure of peace being with her family. Haley and Nathan and their kids had always been Brooke's family and now she and Nathan needed to at least keep their relationship friendly because she wasn't willing to give up on the kids.

She stopped in Karen's Café and smiled warmly at Lily, who was playing with Barbies on the counter, "hey, Lils, how's it going?"

"Brooke," she smiled and hugged her.

"Brooke, you're home," Karen gave her a warm hug, "we missed seeing you."

She shrugged and took a seat, "I had a lot of work to catch up on."

"Nathan told us," Karen nodded.

Brooke didn't say anything for a second, "tomorrow its seven months since Haley died."

"I know," Karen nodded, "they need you. Even Nathan, they all need you."

"I don't know what to do," she admitted.

"Follow your heart, it's the only answer that makes sense."

"Brooke," she turned and smiled when she saw Luke.

"Hey, stranger! How are you," she hugged him and was a bit surprised when he held onto her longer then necessary.

"I missed you," Luke admitted.

"Come on Lily, we have to go wake up Daddy from his nap," Karen winked at Brooke and led her daughter to the back.

Luke looked Brooke over. She was as gorgeous as ever. Brooke had been a hot teenager but she was had grown into a woman who just had a glow about her. She was like a magnet, finally her conceded, "you look good."

"How's that new book coming," she asked and tilted her head so her bangs weren't in her eyes.

"I've got some severe writer's block," he admitted.

"Well what you need is some excitement to get those creative juices running," Brooke told him with a grin that sunk her dimples deep into her cheeks.

Before he could say anything the door opened and Brooke only saw Nathan. Standing in the doorway with Mariah in his arms and Jamie's small hand in his; she almost sat down so she could just take her time staring at him. Jamie ran to her and squeezed her hard, "Brooke!"

"Oh, Jamie, I missed you," Brooke held him to her and walked over to Nathan to kiss Mariah, "how are you, baby girl?"  
"Good," she slobbered all over Brooke's cheek.

Finally Brooke looked up into Nathan's blue eyes and he smiled. In turn her heart turned over, "hey, Davis, what took you so long to get home?"

"Oh, Scott," she laughed and pulled him into a hug, "I missed you too."

Nathan met Luke's eyes from over Brooke's shoulder and the message was loud and clear. Nathan had just tried to put stakes up in a territory Lucas thought he still had dibs on.

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Both kids had stayed up later than usual to spend time with Brooke but she had been so happy to see them that Nathan had allowed it. She hadn't even known how much she missed them until she had seen them again. Now she was on the couch, Mariah asleep on her chest and Jamie asleep with his head in her lap as Brooke watched a muted cartoon. Nathan walked into the room and smiled.

"They missed you," he told her.

Brooke watched him lift Jamie into his arms and followed him up stairs. When both of the kids were in their beds both adults met in the hallway.

"We should talk," Brooke reminded him gently.

Together they walked into the kitchen and sat. Nathan took her hand, "I'm not ready. The kids aren't ready. We still need you, I'm not sure we'll ever not need you."

Her heart clenched painfully in her chest, "I don't know if I can live in this house anymore."

"Then we'll move," he offered.

"Nathan," she squeezed his hand, "I can't separate sex and feelings anymore. I'm not the girl I was in high school. I'm an adult and I need more."

"I can't offer you everything now, Brooke, but give me time. There's no one else on the planet I trust more with my kids then you, there's no one else who can make the pain go away for a while. You're my saving grace right now, I can't lose you."

His words went straight to her heart. He was basically saying that she was the only one who could help him. She couldn't turn him away, it wasn't in her to be that strong.

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If kisses could kill then Nathan Scott's kisses would be a particularly potent form of poison. The man kissed her all the time. She couldn't seem to stop the heart palpitations that accompanied them either. Jeez, she was in over her head.

"Okay, Jamie, follow through," Nathan was showing him how to shoot a free throw.

They were so cute, she thought. Brooke set down the water bottles she'd brought out, "break time, guys. We don't want anyone passing out."

Both boys came over and grabbed a water bottle. As Nathan gulped down the first sip he moved in and caught her in a kiss. Her insides instantly turned to mush. He was officially her crack.

"Mariah's down for her nap so I'm going to try and catch up with some work," Brooke told him.

"Sounds good," he smiled down at her and kissed her again. This time his tongue pushed erotically against her lips until she opened her mouth to accept its brutal invasion. Together their tongues rubbed and soon she was encased in his arms. She could feel her body burning up and the tell-tale wetness growing on her underwear.

"Dad, eww," Jamie said with exasperation.

She looked down and noticed he hadn't been totally unaffected. She grinned and made sure her hip rubbed him before she walked toward the house.

"Tease," was the one word Brooke heard hissed as she walked.

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"Nate," Brooke's fingers dug into his shoulders as he pushed deeper into her and pressed her firmly to the wall. They hadn't made it to the bedroom, instead they were in the bathroom. She wrapped her legs around his hips and shuddered when she felt how full she was with him.

He slowed and she looked at him angrily, "more, don't stop!"

He chuckled and filled her with a slow thrust, "you're beautiful."

Her gaze softened even as she shuddered with his next thrust, "I love you."

Both of them stopped in surprise. Brooke didn't know who was more surprised with her declaration. She expected him to pull out and hide again, instead she felt him grow thicker inside of her as he buried his face in her neck. They rocked together until they both exploded.

That night Nathan slept in her bed with her for the first time.

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Nathan didn't have his first physical confrontation with Lucas until August. It wasn't completely unexpected for him but Brooke had been shocked. The morning had started out so nice. They had plans to get together with everyone at Karen's house for a big Sunday BBQ. Brooke had woken up to Nathan's big body wrapped around her, keeping her warm and protecting her.

The door had burst open and she sat up to see Jamie, "what's wrong, honey?"  
"Can I get in," he wondered. Brooke opened her arms to him and held him as Nathan held her.

A few hours later when she felt the gentle nudging of Nathan behind her, she turned her head so he could see Jamie and he stopped immediately. Instead he kissed her neck, "you're a tease."

The baby monitor went off, "Daddy, Brooke! Daddy, Brooke!"

"I guess we're up for the day," he murmured.

Brooke kissed his chin and shook her head, "Jamie and I are staying right where we are until eight-thirty!"

Nate groaned but rose with a smile as he went to collect his daughter.

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The party wasn't huge but it did have a lot of the people that had been at the funeral, a lot of them hadn't seen Nathan since that cold day. They barely recognized him. He spent a majority of the time watching out for the kids and helping to cook. He also spent a lot of the time with Brooke by his side with one very possessive hand on her waist.

"I'm going to go get another beer," Brooke told him, "are you sure you don't want one?"  
"Nope, I'm the DD tonight. You just enjoy yourself," he almost kissed her but thought better of it.

As Brooke walked away he couldn't help but admire her ass in the tight jeans she was wearing. He grinned but it faded as he saw Lucas stalking toward him.

"Hey, what's up man," Nathan asked.

"What the hell are you playing at?"

"What are you talking about, Lucas?"

"Why are you fucking with Brooke's head like this? You're taking advantage of her mental state," Luke told him.

"Brooke's a big girl, she knows what she's doing," Nathan argued.

"I told you that she was mine," Lucas hissed between clenched teeth.

"I don't belong to anyone but myself," Brooke's voice had both men turning toward her. She took a step forward, barely aware that everyone was staring, "Lucas we've been over for years. What in the world has gotten into you? And Nathan, be the bigger man here."

Brooke reached her hand out to Nathan and released a pent up sigh of relief when he grasped it and followed her toward the picnic tables. They didn't expect Lucas to spear him or the fist fight that resulted in the two brothers being kicked out of Karen's house together.

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"Your poor ribs," Brooke murmured as she checked the purple bruises on Nathan's rib cage later that night.

"It's no big deal, Davis, I've had worse," he told her.

Brooke looked into his eyes and sighed, "being the bigger man does pay off sometimes."

Nathan laughed but then winced in pain, "damn that hurts!"  
After a few moments Brooke got up and locked the bedroom door. As she moved back toward the bed she grinned. Nathan had come to equate that grin with all sorts of wicked things she wanted to do. She kissed his lips and grasped the top of his shorts before wrenching down, "I know what will make you feel better."

Nathan could only groan when her mouth covered him and slid all the way down to his base. He smiled when he discovered that it sure as hell didn't hurt to thrust. His big hand fisted gently in her hair as she sucked him with just the right amount of suction and pressure. Toward the end she added a hand and he flew over. He just laid there breathing heavily as she snuggled up beside him, "feel better?"  
"Vixen," he murmured.

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"Mariah," Nathan heard Brooke's squeal before he walked into the kitchen two weeks later and saw Brooke blowing a raspberry on his daughter's stomach. Mariah squealed with her and wrapped her little arms around Brooke's neck as she chuckled.

Brooke laughed her husky laugh and Nathan felt the instant hardness. He smiled to his son, "are you almost done with your cereal?"  
"Yeah, Dad, are we getting ready to go now," he wondered.

"Yeah, we'll get going and then after school we'll do homework before practice starts," Nathan told him. He had opted out of coaching the little league team but he had also decided to stay on as an assistant which the other coach and Lucas appreciated immensely. Although Lucas really wasn't saying much of anything to him nowadays.

"Say hi to your Daddy, princess," Brooke put Mariah to her feet and watched her run to grasp Nathan's legs.

Nathan lifted her effortlessly into his arms and held her close. With every passing day she looked more and more like Haley and he thought it was good. He wanted to remember Haley. Suddenly he was shocked, he was thinking about Haley and not wincing in pain. There was still a soreness in his heart but there wasn't the piercing sting that usually accompanied it.

"You okay," Brooke asked as she accepted Jamie's cereal bowl.

He nodded and kissed her lips tenderly, "I'll take Mariah to daycare today."

"Okay," Brooke looked deeply into his eyes, "I love you Nate."

"I know," after one last kiss he left.

Lucas knocked gently on the door of the head coach's office, the same office he had spent countless hours in getting yelled at by Whitey; usually with Nathan by his side. But now Nathan was behind the desk.

Nathan glanced up and then his eyes narrowed, "what do you want?"  
"We need to talk," Lucas replied.

"No," Nathan disagreed, "what we need is for you to get the hell away from me before I beat your ass and get fired."

"She's not the one for you Nathan. Haley was the one for you, how many times did you say that? You know that it's true!"

"I also know that things change and that Brooke means the world to me. I know that Haley would have wanted us to take care of one another."

"But you don't love her," Lucas gave the final blow. He sat down, "Brooke is a woman who needs to be loved irrevocably. Trust me, I know, because I've fucked up with her twice. You still love Haley and you're using Brooke. It's going to kill her the day she realizes that you'll never give up your dead wife for her."

Nathan was flabbergasted. Lucas had just pinpointed his entire relationship with Brooke. She was all ready telling him openly that she was in love with him, the day she realized he'd never say it back would be the worst day of both of their lives. She'd be crushed that he wouldn't say it and he'd be crushed because she would leave.

"Luke," Nathan rubbed a weary hand down his face, "I'll think about what you said, okay?"  
Lucas nodded, "I want to give her everything this time, man. Everything she ever wanted. A family, all of my love, she'll be my everything."

Nate nodded once more before Lucas left with a heavy sigh.

"What are you doing home, it's only noon," Brooke's question was accompanied with a knowing grin. She rose from her makeshift office desk which was masquerading as the island in the kitchen. As she walked to him he felt his pulse speed up.

"Come here," he whispered and held her close.

She realized instantly that something was wrong, "what is it? Is it Jamie or Mariah? Just tell me Nathan!"

"The kids are fine," he assured her, "it's us I'm worried about."

"Why," she searched his eyes for the answer.

"I still love Haley."

She smiled just a little, just enough to sink in her right dimple, "I know. You were with her for a decade, you'll probably always be in love with her. I know I'll always love her."

Her answer blew Nathan away. He clamped down on her shoulder and forced her to look at him, "I'm telling you that I'll always be in love with my dead wife and you're okay with that?"

"Nathan, if you weren't still in love with Haley then I'd be worried. It hasn't even been a year yet. I know we kind of fell together but the love I had for you grew into something more. Let's be honest, if you hadn't of went for Peyton then we probably would have been together in high school. Haley was my best friend, I want you to love her forever right along with me. How couldn't you love her when you see her everyday in your kids?"

"I…" he stuttered, his shock palpable. He thought he'd be revealing some deep secret but she had known all along, "Lucas could give you everything and it wouldn't come with nearly as much baggage."

Her eyes widened in confusion, "Nathan! Not as much baggage? Try more, Lucas and I could never work because he isn't decisive. I'd always be waiting for him to change his mind and go in search of Peyton or the other flavor of the week. Honestly, you're so much more attractive because I know you can be faithful and stay with a woman forever."

"I don't know if I'll ever be able to-" she quietly put her hand to his mouth and smiled.

"Don't worry about tomorrow, worry about today, worry about this instant," and she covered his mouth with hers.

If ever there was a night when Nathan didn't want to see his brother it was two weeks later as he sat at the dock's restaurant with Brooke. They had chosen to sit outside but both had decided against sitting at the table where Haley and Nathan had shared their first date.

"So, I told her that she could go to hell in a really ugly hand bag for all I cared," Brooke told him and rolled her eyes. Her agitation was still new and she hadn't had a chance to work out to get out all the frustration yet.

Nathan laughed, "don't you mean hand basket?"

She shrugged, "it got the point across. Thanks so much for taking me out, I appreciate it."

"Well I figured I couldn't keep sleeping with you and never actually get a date. Not to mention your cooking skills," he teased her by sticking out his tongue. As she laughed he noticed Lucas walking toward them and immediately began to tense, "hey, Luke, what's up man?"  
Lucas looked Nathan over before smiling at Brooke, "hey Brooke."

"Hi, Lucas, how are you tonight? Isn't it gorgeous out?"  
"Yeah," his eyes never left hers, "gorgeous."

Nathan rolled his eyes, "you have to come over and see your nephew sometime soon, he's been talking nonstop about beating you at NBA live."

Lucas' eyes softened, "I will. Tell Jamie that we'll get together on Saturday. Maybe you'd like to have breakfast with me first?"

Brooke's eyes widened before she steadfastly ignored Nathan's penetrating glare, "Lucas?"

"Come on, I'll take you to Raleigh and you can even drag me shopping," he allowed.

"I'd love to but-"

"But," Nathan took over, "she'll be busy. On Saturday she's taking Mariah to go find a Halloween costume."

Lucas grinned at Brooke, "can I come with?"

"Sure," she replied, "pick us up at nine?"

He nodded and then tipped his head in Nathan's direction before walking off. Nathan stewed, "what was that?"

"What," she questioned, "she's his niece. If he's going to spend time with Jamie he has to spend time with Mariah too."

"I don't like it," Nathan huffed.

Brooke reached across the table and squeezed his hand, "I don't love him."

Those simple words erased the last traces of his angry bitterness. Lucas was fighting a losing battle because if there was one thing everyone knew about Brooke Davis is was that she knew exactly what she wanted, and it wasn't Lucas anymore.


	8. What The Cold Feels Like

"What do you want to be," Brooke asked her Goddaughter yet again

"What do you want to be," Brooke asked her Goddaughter yet again.

The little girl ran ahead of her and hugged a pink dress, "a princess!"  
"Oh, that's a good choice, Mariah," Lucas told his niece.

Brooke grinned as Mariah went through the other costumes, "she loves that you came with us to go shopping."

"I love being around her," he smiled at her, "being around you."

Her smile faltered a bit, "Luke, what are you playing at?"

"What do you mean," he asked.

"Brooke, look," Mariah was bouncing around, a huge grin on her little face.

Brooke sucked in a gasp. At that moment Mariah looked so much like Haley that it was like looking at a picture of Haley as a three-year-old. She felt Lucas put a comforting hand on her shoulder and squeezed gently, "I know. Sometimes I see her so clearly in the kids."

"Just when you think you can breathe easy you get sucker punched," Brooke whispered.

"It's funny you say that," Luke replied.

She looked into his blue eyes in confusion, "why?"

"I thought that I was done with Tree Hill drama and then I realized that I was about to participate in another love triangle," he whispered this time.

Before Brooke could move Lucas' wrapped his arms around her and lowered his mouth to hers.

0000

"Come on Brooke, I said I was sorry," Lucas followed Brooke into Nathan's house. They had stayed at the costume store until Mariah chose her dress and then they had stormed out. Nathan and Jamie rose from the couch in surprise.

Brooke gently put Mariah on the floor, "go into your playroom, baby girl, you too Jamie."

Jamie knew her tones well enough to know when she wasn't being accommodating. As soon as the door closed Brooke turned around and slapped Lucas so hard his face flew to the left.

"Brooke," Nathan lifted her by her waist and pulled her back, "what the hell happened?"

"Shit," Lucas swore, his face felt like it was on fire.

"What happened," Nathan asked again and released Brooke when she finally took a deep breath.

Lucas waited for her to relay the story but was surprised when she simply stared him down. She took a step forward, Nathan's hand still on her wrist in case he had to pull her back again, "you promised to play with your nephew today, you'd better do that."

With that she yanked her wrist from Nathan's grasp and marched up stairs, obviously pissed off.

"What did you do," Nathan was chuckling out the question.

Luke huffed, "forget it. Jamie pick which game you want to play."

As they Jamie came cautiously out of the room Nathan chuckled again, "hell hath no fury like Brooke Davis."

"Real funny," Luke glared.

As the boys sat Jamie looked up at his uncle, "your face is all red."

0000

"Can you believe he would have the nerve to kiss me," Brooke hissed into her cell phone. She was sitting in the bathtub in the guest room so Nathan wouldn't hear her conversation and she was positively fuming.

"He's Lucas Scott," was Peyton's dry response.

Rachel laughed, "and all of us would know how he works his charisma."

Brooke groaned, it had come to the surface years before that Luke and Rachel had one night together. A night that had tainted a relationship because when Mouth caught them he broke up with Rachel and hadn't spoke to Lucas since.

"Why can't he just let me be happy," Brooke asked.

"I don't think he ever realizes how much he hurts everyone with his actions," Peyton replied. She'd had years to try and figure Lucas out and in the end she had determined that she needed someone who could be there for her. Who could prevent her from needing to be saved. She smiled to herself and her own teenage stupidity.

"Well I'd kick his ass next time," Rachel instigated.

"Yes, we know that," Peyton replied.

Brooke smiled, "okay, ladies, put away the claws. I just need to know what to do next."

"What you need to do," Nathan snapped the shower curtain to one side and squatted so they were eye to eye, "is get out of the tub and tell me what happened. Hey, ladies, Brooke'll talk to you later."

"I love his voice," Rachel cooed.

"From experience I'll tell you that he means business, and I mean the good kind," Peyton replied.

"Okay, guys, love you both, call you later," Brooke snapped the phone shut and smiled guiltily.

Nathan lifted her out of the tub and gently placed her on her feet before bending down and kissing her lips tenderly. She had spectacular lips, the kind that begged to be kissed.

"Nate," she begged against his lips. This could escalate to full fledged seduction and that wouldn't be appropriate with two kids and a jealous ex downstairs.

"This is just a promise," he whispered, "tonight I'm going to remove every memory of every other guy."

"Okay," she agreed, and really, what else could she have said?

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Brooke laid in Nathan's arms and felt the steady rise and fall of his chest as he slept. He had held true to his promise and made her forget every other guy, and her name. He was spectacular, and she wondered if he could be the one guy that she could never walk away from. That scared her more then she could express. She had a desperate fear that there would come a time when Nathan didn't need her and she truly believed that it would be followed by a time when he wouldn't want her. She didn't know what to do with her feelings, she was used to being confident.

"Shh," the vibration in his chest startled her.

"Nate," she placed her hand on his chest and propped herself up a bit to look at his peaceful face.

"Listen, Brooke, if you're going to think so freaking loud after I've tried my hardest to screw you into a deep sleep then you'll have to apologize for harming my fragile male ego."

Brooke smiled into his chest, her heart was so full at that moment, but her doubts still clung stubbornly to the forefront of her mind. She determined that she wouldn't let anything ruin this perfect night and then Nathan asked, "what did Luke do anyway?"

Brooke opened and closed her mouth, "nothing that I couldn't take care of."

"Just tell me," his arm tightened around her waist and drew her even closer to his warm body.

She nuzzled into his neck and sighed, "he tried to reason with me the way he always tried to. I let him know that I knew what I was doing."

"Yeah, I saw that," he said dryly. When he spoke again his voice was low and slightly menacing, "he kissed you didn't he."

"Yeah," she admitted.

"What the hell is wrong with my brother? Always running after what he can't have. I should put a dent in his head!"

"Nathan," she gasped and sat up, "you cannot beat up Lucas. You said it yourself, he's going after what he can't have."

He sat up too, "it doesn't mean that I'm okay with him kissing you. You're mine, Brooke. You're in my bed, taking care of my kids, living with me. You're not his anymore."

"First of all," she grinned, "I belong to no man. Second, it doesn't matter if he kisses me, which I don't think he'll attempt again. His kisses don't affect me. There is only one set of lips that I want anywhere near me."

"Fine," he groaned after a long moment and dragged her to him, "if I can't get this excess energy out by whooping his ass again I guess _you'll_ have to figure out another way."

Brooke laughed huskily as rolled onto of him, "oh, I think I can think of something or other."

0000

Halloween was a hectic day for Brooke. She spent the morning getting Jamie's costume together and putting the finishing touches on Mariah's dress. She knew that she wouldn't have a lot of time to get everything right before Nathan came home with them. It would be a quick dinner and then they were meeting up with Karen, Keith and Lily to go trick-or-treating.

As Brooke was sewing on the rhinestones for Mariah's dress she was angry to discover that she had run out of white lace. And really, what little princess didn't have tons of lace? She endeavored to find Haley's stash of fabric, knowing that her best friend had to have had a box of such things.

She found herself in Nathan and Haley's old room. Nathan hadn't been in the room for months, all of his clothes had found their way into her room and it had become a fact of the household that no one went into the room. Brooke had almost forgotten what it looked like. She opened the closet and felt an intense squeeze around her heart. All of Haley's clothes were placed in order of color and fabric. That was so like Haley.

Brooke pressed her hand to her chest and the intense burning in the back of her eyes. It had been a while since she had last sobbed out her frustration at Haley's untimely death. She still thought about her everyday and saw her in the kids but regardless, it had been awhile since she had thought of her every second.

She gently touched the clothes, appalled to discover that there was dust on them. She felt the urge to hurtle herself into the closet and sob into Haley's ugly brown poncho. Brooke wasn't a woman prone to self-doubt but in that moment her reality was very clear. Sure, she was with Nathan but in the next room there would always be Haley. Brooke realized that she wanted it all: Nathan's love, the kids, the whole ideal. All of a sudden it hurt for her to know that she was the only one in love in their very complex relationship. What the hell was she doing?

"Brooke," she heard Nathan call her name.

She rushed to get out of the room, to leave no sign that she had been intruding on the real woman of the house's things. As she closed the door Nathan came to the landing of the stairs, Mariah in his arms.

"What are you doing home so early," she asked.

Nathan frowned and rubbed her cheek, "what happened?"

Brooke smiled at Mariah and tickled her cheek, "nothing! Are you ready for dinner, baby girl?"

Mariah nodded vigorously, "tatoes and carrots!"

Nathan laughed, forgetting momentarily that anything was amiss, "then by all means let's get you some potatoes and carrots."

Dinner was full of its normal conversation and laughter. But Brooke felt herself stiffening. She wasn't afraid of the fact that Nathan would always love Haley in some way, in fact she welcomed it, she was afraid that he would just never have the space to love her too. Haley had been the great love of his life. Was it even possible for him to ever have that kind of emotional intensity again? She shivered because she was just now realizing what Nathan had been trying to warn her about. He didn't think he could ever love her and Haley at the same time. She had been so wrapped up in letting him know that it was okay to still love Haley that she hadn't listened to the message he was trying to get across.

"You cold, Brooke," Nathan asked suddenly, the worried expression still on his face.

"I'm just ready to go," she replied.

"I want candy," Jamie told her as he fidgeted.

Mariah smiled, loving the thought of whatever was getting her brother so riled up, and turned to Brooke, "I want candy too, Momma!"

Brooke's wide eyes met Nathan's equally incredulous stare and thought about the things that came out of the mouths of babes.


	9. Gone In A Flash

Nathan hadn't mentioned anything

Nathan hadn't mentioned anything. Brooke had been expecting a full blown freak out when Mariah had so innocently called her Momma. He hadn't yelled or called off their arrangement. He had simply sat still for a few moments before rising and clearing the table. Jamie, on the other hand, had been upset. He couldn't understand why Mariah was confused, why she thought Brooke was her Momma when he could still remember so much about Haley.

"Are you still sleeping together," Peyton asked.

Brooke balanced the phone between her ear and shoulder as she corrected a sash on one of her sketches, "yeah, every night."

"You know I mean sex right," Peyton questioned.

"Yes, P. Sawyer, I know you meant sex. Yeah, we have sex a lot and we sleep together."

"So what's the problem?"

"The problem is that Jamie is upset, he won't even let me hug him anymore. Mariah is steady calling me her Momma even though I'm not and I correct her and Nathan hasn't said _anything_!"

Peyton sighed and Brooke knew she was brooding, "well maybe you should bring it up."

Brooke put her pen down and really focused for a moment, "I'm afraid that it'll all be over if I do. That we'll have to end it. He'll never love me Peyton, he'll never have enough room in his heart for me and I couldn't bear to have that validated."

"Maybe you should consider leaving on your own then," Peyton suggested.

"Maybe," Brooke whispered.

0000

Brooke hadn't said anything. Nathan had been waiting for Brooke's reaction, at that moment time had stilled for him and Brooke. If he was an honest kind of guy he would admit that he was worried she was going to leave. That one day the call of the city that never sleeps and an empire would become too powerful and he wouldn't have her either. Brooke had quietly taken Mariah's little hand and kissed it before correcting her. Then Jamie had been upset. Lord, he didn't know what to do with Jamie. He was so confused and upset.

"Looks like you've got a lot on your mind, little brother," Luke's voice pulled Nathan out of his deep thoughts.

"I do," Nathan agreed.

"Anything to do with Mariah calling Brooke Momma," Luke asked as he sat across the desk.

Nathan's eyes met his brother's, "how'd you hear that?"

"My mother was talking to Keith about it," Luke replied. He leaned forward, "how's Jamie?"

Because he actually sounded sincere Nathan shrugged, "upset. He doesn't know what to do, hell, I don't know what to do!"

"Are you going to let her go," Luke asked.

Nathan knew his brother, knew when he was concerned, that was why he decided to be honest and shrugged, "I don't know."

"You would be the biggest fool on earth to let her go," Lucas moved toward the door but stopped and turned back to his brother, "trust me, I know."

0000

Dinner was a chore, as it had been since Halloween. Jamie was upset and Nathan was upset because his son was. Mariah could feel their tension and was fussy. Brooke knew that the air was stirring around this whole situation and felt completely powerless. But she had never expected Jamie's outburst or her own realization.

She had just finished washing the dishes and joined Nathan and Jamie in the living room, "time to go wash up for the night, Jamie."

Jamie had looked at her, "you can't tell me what to do."

"James," Nathan's voice was staunch.

"Jamie," Brooke tried again when neither Scott male had moved, "please do as I say."

"You're not my mother," Jamie had told her, "you can't tell me what to do."

No one had moved. Brooke waited, if ever there was a moment of truth it was that very second. Nathan had looked at Brooke and then looked into his son's identical eyes, "no she's not, but you will obey her."

She would never admit it, but that was the moment she knew they would never be hers. She would never be Nathan's wife, she would never be Jamie's mother, she would never be Haley. As she walked back toward the kitchen she held her chest because it ached.

0000

In bed they were electric. There was no reason for words or promises or pain. Together they created the most amazing kind of magic. It didn't matter who they were or that this was against everything they'd ever believed. It didn't matter that his son would never accept her or that his daughter thought the world of her. All that mattered was that they were together, until that night.

"Tell me you love me," he ordered as he shoved himself deeper. Brooke moaned, dropping down to take all of him. His grip on her hips increased, "tell me!"

"I love you," she moaned. He reached every where, there wasn't one place on earth she could hide. He knew her inside and out.

Nathan rolled her beneath him and firmly pressed her legs open before pounding her harder, more furiously, "tell me again."

"I love you," she replied and gasped when his mouth found her nipple and tugged harshly.

Nathan felt her pull him in tighter and deeper, felt the air inside of his body leave as he heard the truth in her words. He pulled out completely, unable to continue.

"What are you doing," she asked in frustrated anger.

"I want," he had to stop and figure out how he would say this.

"What," she sat up, the look on her face paralyzed him, she was scared, "what do you want?"

Nathan's eyes swam with tears he had realized were swarming down his face, "I want Haley."

Brooke gasped before she could stop herself. She pulled her legs together in shame, she had never felt so upset at herself. She felt herself nod and after a while said, "me, too."

They laid together that night. Brooke held Nathan to her breast and hoped that he felt all of the love she had for him. She hoped that he would forgive her for trying to take Haley's place, for trying to be the one who could fill that void that could never really be filled.

Nathan woke up alone the next morning, every trace of Brooke Davis erased from the room they had shared.

0000

Rachael opened the door to her penthouse and without one question accepted her best friend into her arms. She rubbed her back as she sobbed and when she was finally asleep Rachael picked up her phone, "hey, Sawyer, we've got a code blue."


	10. Beginnings Found In Ashes

Five weeks, two days, thirteen hours and seven minutes since Brooke had left

Five weeks, two days, thirteen hours and seven minutes since Brooke had left. Close to six weeks since she had picked up the remnants of her broken heart and skipped out of Tree Hill. An action that had reminded her painfully of a time years before when she had left because of another Scott brother. Scott boys, she determined, were all out to kill. They couldn't just have a woman be with them they had to steal her heart and cut it into pieces.

"Hey, B," Rachael greeted her friend as she sat down opposite her at the kitchen table.

Brooke didn't even try to smile, "hey, Rachael. How was last night?"

"It was amazing you should have come with me, you would have loved it. Ethan was really…amazing," Rachael told her.

"Really," Brooke had never heard Rachael sound so enthralled and this Ethan fellow seemed like a good sort, the kind of guy Rachael usually ran away from.

"He made me laugh, for real, you know?"

Brooke felt her dimple sink in and suddenly was smiling, "you're into him!"

"Am not," Rachael argued and rose to pour herself some coffee, "he's a doctor for God's sake! He saves babies from third world countries for free! I'm a model who used to be addicted to coke and meth!"

"No," Brooke shushed her, "that's who you were. Your past doesn't define you. If you choose to be a better person, which you do, then you've all ready proven yourself to be someone beside a model who used to do drugs."

"How is it," Rachael asked after a moment, "that you are so good at making everyone else see the light and not yourself?"

"What do you mean?"

Rachael leaned against her granite counter and took a sip of her coffee, "you two could love each other. You could convince him, you could go back and have a little damned patience. You could live with him and be happy and then when he finally opened his stupid blue eyes you'd be ecstatic!"

"You don't understand," Brooke replied.

"Really? What's not to understand? Mariah loves you and you have the power to always keep Haley in her life. Jamie is upset and you have the power to be there for him as he goes through this. Nathan is scared and you have the power to turn his mind and heart over to your love. You're being a coward, B, and that's not like you at all."

Brooke rose, indignation filling every part of her body, "no, Rachael. He was making love to me and he stopped and told me he wanted Haley. Their bedroom is like a museum. He will never be able to make the space for me to be in his heart."

"You never told me he said that," Rachael took a step forward but Brooke put up her hand.

Her hazel eyes filled, "I have to go to work. I'll see you at dinner."

Rachael nodded and watched her friend leave in her trendy black pants suit. She watched as Brooke's heart shriveled up before her eyes.

0000

Five weeks, two days, thirteen hours and seven minutes since Brooke had left. Nathan had woken up that morning with a perverse feeling of elation, knowing he could get back to mourning for his wife the way she deserved to be mourned over. Almost instantly his heart began to ache. At first he had thought it was because he missed Haley then Mariah had begun to fuss because Brooke was usually the one who spent most of the morning with her. He realized that Brooke had become more then a warm body, more then an old friend, but a partner in life.

As the weeks wore on and Christmas approached Nathan's life just seemed to be getting worse and worse. He and Brooke had been planning out the kids gifts since early November and now he faced the challenge of buying it all and spending another day with his sulking, grieving children.

"Morning," Nathan looked up from his bowl of Cheerios to see Karen Scott standing in his kitchen. Every morning since Brooke had left she had faithfully been at his house helping him out.

"Hey, Karen, thanks again for coming over," Nathan's standard response.

Karen, never one to beat around the bush, pulled out a pan and went to the refrigerator, "how are you this morning?"

"I'm fine," he replied. He really wanted to say that it had been another long night because Mariah was still sleeping fitfully through the night and was wetting the bed more frequently. He wanted to say that Jamie was getting nightmares again and had been sleeping in his bed faithfully. He wanted to say that he missed Haley so much sometimes that it hurt to breathe. He wanted to say that not having Brooke around was tearing him apart, her little jokes, her dimples, her loving.

"You know," Karen cracked an egg into the pan, "when Dan left me, pregnant and alone, I thought the world was ending. Then I faced the up hill battle of helping Keith fight his demons. There was one night, I'm not sure if you remember, Haley and I had both been about five months pregnant when Keith's truck was slammed into. He had been drinking that night too. I got to the hospital in enough time for them to tell me they were taking his spleen. I looked down at him and I thought he was going to die."

"You never told me that," Nathan was enthralled.

Karen continued to create one of her magical omelets, "I thought to myself, as I sat in the waiting room, that if he did die that I would be raising a child alone again. But then I realized that despite his problems he had been the best father I could have ever had for Lucas. I fell in love with him all over again because I knew that he could beat it. I knew that if I was just patient enough and supportive that we could fight together. Sometimes being with someone hurts but it never hurts as much as being without them. You know that, you know what it feels like to live without Haley. Are you really going to live without the one person who could help you fight your demons?"

Before Nathan could even think of a word to say Jamie was coming into the kitchen. He crawled into Nathan's lap, "hi, Aunt Karen."

"Hey, buddy, want an omelet?"

Jamie nodded and then Nathan heard Mariah's cry and he rose but before he left the kitchen he turned to Karen, "I'll think about it."

She nodded, she had said her peace and he knew she wouldn't bring it up again.

0000

Brooke walked into Rachael's apartment ready for an argument because she had deliberately stayed at the office for over twelve hours. Sometimes it was just easier to bury herself in her work. Anything to take her mind off of the pain.

"Well I come all the way to New York City to see a friend in need and she doesn't show up until nine-thirty at night!"

Brooke smiled, "P. Sawyer!"  
"Come here," Peyton held her arms open and held Brooke to her tightly.

"How did you get here? What about work?"

"When you own your own record company you can kind of choose your vacation schedule," Peyton replied.

They all sat and Rachael poured Brooke a glass of wine. She smiled at Peyton, "tell her."

"Tell me what," Brooke questioned suspiciously. Peyton slowly spread her left hand showing off her engagement ring. Brooke squealed with delight, "omg, P. Sawyer, you're engaged!"

"I know," Peyton laughed.

"To who," Brooke asked as she examined the ring. It was expensive.

"My newest client," she replied.

"Oh, P. Sawyer, you never mess with the staff let alone marry them!"

"I didn't think you'd talk down about me," the voice that sounded from the kitchen had Brooke smiling again.

She turned around and raced into Jake Jagielski's arms. He laughed as he held her to him and then Brooke was pushing back, "when did you get back into the picture?"

"A while ago," Peyton replied, "we've been taking it slow and steady. When he proposed we sat down and had a dinner with Nikki and we're all on okay terms. She's married to a sailor in the Navy and happy."

Brooke plopped back onto the couch, "look at you guys! Jeyton back together again, for the sixteenth time. Nikki not being a psycho bitch. Rachael in love with a doctor, God, its all turning out the way it should."

"Except," Peyton leaned forward, "for you and Nathan."

"I called a code blue," Rachael told her best friend happily.

"That wasn't necessary," Brooke replied.

"It was," Peyton disagreed, "because you deserve to be happy too and I know that you are in love with him. I can hear it in your voice. Tell me everything."

After a long moment Brooke relayed the entire story ending with, "he told me he wants her. I knew I had to leave before I caused anymore damage to that family or myself."

"He's scared," Peyton told her. For a long time Peyton had known Nathan better then he had known himself. She recognized typical Nathan Scott cowardice when she heard about it.

"He was honest," Brooke tried to shrug, "he told me, and I didn't listen. He will never have the space in his heart for me and I cannot go back to that house knowing that."

"What about the kids," Jake asked quietly.

Brooke looked at him and then into her empty wine glass, "I miss them every second of every day. The day that Mariah started to call me Momma was the best day of my life. I'm taking over Haley's position and that's wrong. All you have to do is look at Jamie's reaction to know that."

"Jamie was upset because he's worried that he'll forget her. If there is nothing else that you ever believe that I am saying believe that I understand what it's like to be that young and to lose your mother. Your fears, your regrets and the pain of growing up without them. I wish I could have had Ellie with me those first few years. I would have treated her like shit but believe me when I say that I would have loved her fiercely too."

Brooke rose, "I cannot go back until I know he loves me. I can face anything if I know he loves me. But I can't face a life with him, without his love. I've always been given everything, I've worked for the things that weren't given to me, but I would trade it all, everything, for him to look at me the way that I look at him."

Her friends watched her walk away and all three sat in silence because none of them could fault her. She needed reassurance and none of them was the person who could give it to her.

0000

Two weeks before Christmas Nathan had most of the scheduled shopping done, a task that had left him feeling exhausted. Mothers shopping before Christmas were monsters. At least three women had argued and played tug of war with him over an item before enlisting the help of some beefy store clerk. It would have been funny if Brooke had been there. She would have joked with him and been beside him, if not arguing herself, with all of the monster moms. God, sometimes he didn't know who he missed more. That thought stopped him abruptly. When had he begun to miss Brooke as much as Haley?

_Sometimes being with someone hurts but it never hurts as much as being without them. You know that, you know what it feels like to live without Haley. Are you really going to live without the one person who could help you fight your demons?_ Karen's words had haunted him constantly since they had been so quietly spoken. Living without Haley hurt, he suspected that it always would, but why was he living without Brooke when he knew that she belonged with him.

He sighed and heaved another box into the hallway but lost his footing and knocked into the master bedroom door. The door opened and for the first time in months Nathan found himself looking into his past. Everything was exactly as he had left it the last day that he had spent in it. He had laid out Haley's sleeping gown as she usually did and closed the closet and finally closed the blinds. He had wanted something palpable that would always be reminiscent of how Haley had lived in their private domain.

He sat on the bed and gently lifted the silken night shirt. Sometime he swore that he could hear her in the house. Laughing in Mariah's room, or quietly helping Jamie with some puzzle in his room or downstairs in the kitchen laughing on the phone with Brooke. Brooke…he missed her. His thoughts seemed impure because he was sitting on the bed that he had made love to Haley in countless times.

As he rose, needing to get out of the clouds of memories his foot hit something beneath the bed. It was a black bag, the designer name alerted him to the fact that it probably wasn't Haley's bag. He lifted it and peaked inside. There was a schedule for Haley's wake and funeral and a DVD holder. Inside were two DVDs one with his name, the other blank. Confused, he popped the DVD with his name into the television and sat back on the bed.

The moment Haley's head popped onto the screen Nathan's heart stopped. It must have been done at least six months before her death because she still had her long blond curls. She was sitting in an office, a smile on her face.

"Hey, baby, if you're watching this then I've died sometime in the last year. This is going to sound terribly morbid but I do one of these every year, just in case. I love you to death Nathan but I know that if you lost me you'd flip shit and then where would the poor brats be?"

He smiled at her laugh even as he began to cry, "don't cry for me Nate. Don't become so involved with your grief that you forget that our children need you. More importantly don't let me become your excuse for not living your life," she leaned forward until all he could see was her face, "don't let me be the reason you won't love again. Sometimes bad things happen to good people, sometimes life isn't fair and sometimes love hurts. You should know that I never regretted us, our choices, or our lives. Our children are beautiful and I am so proud of you. I love you more then I can express. Don't give up on life because that would be the ultimate slight against my life. Live well and love again."

Even when the screen turned black Nathan still sat, her night gown clutched in his hand as he sobbed.

0000

Brooke woke up knowing that Christmas was only a week away. Ever since she was a kid she had an internal alarm system for the special holiday.

"It's snowing," she looked up and straight into Lucas Scott's eyes, "I think I'm missing out by living in Carolina, snow is great!"

"Lucas," she sat up, covering her breasts, "what are you doing here?"

"I am here," he grinned, "because my second book was published and I've got a check to spend. I also have a list of people I need to buy for."

Brooke looked at him, assessing, "friends?"

He laughed and kissed her cheek before rising and taking her hand, "friends!"

0000

Brooke spent the better portion of an entire day with Lucas, Peyton and Jake and then the better part of the evening with Peyton and Rachael as the boys attempted some type of dinner, which Ethan ended up showing up to and as they sat around the table Brooke thought that she might be able to live her life if it meant being surrounded by these people.

"So we're all catching the planes that will land us all in Raleigh around five on Christmas Eve," Peyton confirmed with everyone.

"What," Brooke turned to Peyton, "I'm not going back there."

"You can't keep running and besides it's not like you have to stay with him, or see him," Lucas told her.

Peyton grasped Brooke's hand, "all of our families are there."

"My family is in California," Brooke argued.

"No," Rachael sipped her wine, "your parents live in Cali. Your family lives in Tree Hill."

"I can't face him," Brooke whispered, "why would I want to torture myself by seeing the one person I can never have?"

"What if you could have me?"

Lucas grinned, "I was wondering when you'd get here little brother."

Brooke slowly turned until she was facing Nathan Scott. She didn't see Peyton and Rachael's look or Jake and Lucas pounding fists. She could only see him, the love of her life, the man of her dreams.

"What are you doing here," she asked, or at least she thought she did.

"I'm an idiot. I should have never let you go."

She rose, her senses semi-returning to her, "we should go talk, in private."

As Brooke led Nathan toward her room she heard Rachael say, "oh, but it was getting so interesting!"

Inside of Brooke's room Nathan sat on the edge of her bed, "I'm in love with you."

"What," Brooke's heart took a dive down to her feet, "what are you saying?"

Nathan wrapped his hands around her arms gently, "I'm in love with you, Brooke Penelope Davis. I want to be with you forever."

"How," she stuttered, "how is this possible?"

"I've been a fool. All this time I've been so worried that I couldn't love you because I've loved Haley that I didn't realize that you been in my heart for such a long time. Brooke, I loved Haley with all of my heart and I will always love her but you're flesh and blood, you're here for me and only you can help me fight my demons. I want you, please say it's not too late and you still want me."

Brooke stared into his electric eyes, breathing fast and hard, as tears blurred her vision, "what about Jamie? He was so upset with me. And poor Mariah doesn't even remember Haley anymore!"

"We'll tell Mariah about Haley, we'll give her pictures and tell her stories. She'll always know that she has one mother looking out for her down here and one looking out for her up there. As for Jamie, well," Nathan opened Brooke's bedroom door and revealed Jamie.

Brooke sat on her bed, "hey, baby, how are you?"

Jamie ran forward and planted himself firmly into her arms, "I miss you. Please come home!"

"Oh, Jamie," Brooke held him to her and felt his tears seeping through her shirt.

Nathan cupped her cheek and looked into her eyes before gently kissing her lips, "I love you, Davis, tell me you love me too."

Brooke saw in that moment what she had been waiting to see. He was looking at her exactly as she looked at him.

0000

At length Jamie fell asleep and Mariah, who had been sleeping since they had gotten on the plane, was sleeping beside him.

Brooke curled up more beside Nathan on Rachael's couch, loving the feel of his arm around her. He kissed her forehead as they gazed out at the wintry city.

"What happened that made you realize," she asked quietly. Nathan told her about the DVDs and Brooke sat up, "I had forgotten all about that. The day that Haley's will and testament was read the auditor gave that to me."

"Well then maybe the blank DVD is for you," he looked at her, "I didn't watch that one."

They put the DVD in and waited with baited breath. Haley's face appeared on the screen. She smiled softly into the camera, "I knew you'd get this to him. Love him well Brooke."

The screen went black and Brooke's eyes welled over with tears, she turned to Nathan, "she knew. How could she have known?"

Nathan held her to him and felt his whole body relax as he felt Brooke's heartbeat. He didn't know how his wife had known the ways of his heart but she had. Because she had, he found beginnings in the ashes, he had found Brooke, and he was so happy.


	11. Epilogue

Tamarindo, this is for you. Your reviews and critiques mean a lot to me. Thanks so much for supporting me through this story and all of the others!

Epilogue

Tree Hill, NC 2008

The day was gorgeous, the type of day that Haley had adored. Nathan had one arm around Jamie's waist and was holding Mariah's hand as he smiled at the light gray tomb stone. It read: Haley James Scott, talented musician, extraordinary teacher, loving wife and mother. It seemed amazing that it had been close to two years since one of the worst days of his life. Two years and his children were steady growing up, nine and five, both in school and thriving.

"What do you want to say, Mariah," Nathan asked quietly.

She seemed hesitant and scrunched up her nose, so like Haley that Nathan had to smile. Finally she stepped forward and pecked the stone, "love you, Momma."

Nathan pulled her close to him and then kissed Jamie's head, "go ahead, son."

Jamie put a hand on the stone, "I think about you a lot still. Everyone says that's okay though. Auntie Peyton told me that her Momma died too. I miss you a lot. I love you, Momma."

"Hales," Nathan held his children closer, "I still miss you and love you. You're not forgotten, not for one moment."

"Nate," at the raspy voice Mariah ran from Nathan and Jamie followed at a slower pace. Nathan turned and smiled up at Brooke.

"We're done," Nathan told her.

Brooke rubbed her swollen belly and smiled, "take your time, I just had to sit for a while."

He went to her and put his hands on her pregnant belly, "the doctor said that you should be resting more often until the birth."

"I'm okay," she replied as she smiled down at Haley's grave stone.

Nathan only shook his head, Brooke was a beast, determined to keep her company going eight months pregnant with two kids and still get dinner on the table, "come on guys. Say good bye to your mother."

"Bye bye, Momma," Mariah told the stone cheerfully. She didn't remember Haley but Brooke had put a picture of Haley on her wedding day on her wall and it was the first thing she saw every morning.

"Bye, Momma," Jamie whispered. He still hurt when he thought of Haley but as the years wore on he was comforted by the stories his father and Brooke told him about his birth mother.

Nathan extended his hand to Brooke, his beautiful wife of nine months, "ready?"

Brooke kissed her fingers and pressed them to the cold stone, "I love you Hales, thank you."


End file.
